1 00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:04,003 ( '50s rock music playing ) 2 00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:35,800 Man on radio: and the winning lottery numbers are: 3 00:00:35,802 --> 00:00:38,337 - 2, 21... - uh-huh. 4 00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:40,339 - 51... - yes. 5 00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:42,908 9, 27... 6 00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:44,910 - and 48. - ( all cheering ) 7 00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:48,080 We won again! 8 00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:51,383 Ah! That was fun. Ah, yes. 9 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,385 A dollar well spent. 10 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:56,055 - if luck were money, We'd be rich. - yes. 11 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,826 Hey, look at them. 12 00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:04,563 They're not kissing. They're not groping. They're... 13 00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,565 Ooh, I know this. 14 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,900 Cuddling, cuddling Is interesting. 15 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,303 It's both romantic And sexual. 16 00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:13,738 Yes, but it's More than that. 17 00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:16,575 It implies an intimate Relationship. 18 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:19,178 How do you establish That with a woman? 19 00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:21,180 Why are you Looking at me? 20 00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:23,515 - because you're the woman. - yeah, for two whole months, 21 00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:26,818 But I haven't even Figured out how to Take off my bra yet. 22 00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:28,820 I want a hug. 23 00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:30,956 I want to hug dr. Albright. I want to hug her right now. 24 00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:33,492 - she's not here. - I'm going to have To hug somebody. 25 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,802 It's just not The same with you. 26 00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:45,804 My heart wasn't In it, either. 27 00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:49,508 I just let you do it 'cause you're high commander. 28 00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:52,344 I feel... So cheap. 29 00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:06,158 Dick, I can't take This housework anymore. 30 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,161 I was put on This mission because Of my military skills. 31 00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:11,163 These hands are Lethal weapons, 32 00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:14,166 But now they're All red and dry From harsh detergents. 33 00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:17,302 Stop complaining. Your assignment is To be the woman, 34 00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:19,771 Just like tommy's assignment Is to study earth culture. 35 00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:21,906 Right, and I'm on it. That's why I'm reading 36 00:02:21,908 --> 00:02:23,842 "Betty and veronica's Summer fun." 37 00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:29,248 My god! These are High school girls? 38 00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:32,050 Okay, you guys, I was out walking, 39 00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:33,785 And someone started Following me. 40 00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,854 - oh, my god. - he's in the living room. 41 00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:38,657 - you let him in our home? - well, yeah. 42 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:41,793 He might be worth studying. Come on in! 43 00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:44,563 - aw! - oh! 44 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:49,501 What a good little man. 45 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,836 - harry, that's a dog. - you know, 46 00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,072 You are just So quick to label. 47 00:02:56,877 --> 00:03:00,546 Oh, he's so huggable. 48 00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:03,382 Oh, mama. 49 00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:06,751 I've got to get To the office And dr. Albright. 50 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,021 What are you going To do with him? 51 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,023 Well, I'm going to start 52 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,025 By establishing Communication. 53 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,127 Oh, have a seat, my friend. 54 00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:18,063 There. 55 00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:22,901 ( barking ) 56 00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:26,271 - what's he trying to say? - he said that lassie's a guy. 57 00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:33,545 - good morning, dr. Albright. - good morning, dr. Solomon. 58 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:36,415 - I have your physics book. - oh, thank you. 59 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:39,651 Oh! Please Don't do that. 60 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,687 - I'm not much Of a hugger. - oh. 61 00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:46,925 Look who I found Wandering down the halls. 62 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:49,494 - mary. - oh, my god! 63 00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:51,730 - oh! - oh! 64 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,732 Oh! 65 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:56,301 Dr. Richard solomon, 66 00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:59,571 This is dr. Jeff willis, My old dear friend. 67 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:02,774 Hi. Actually, mary and I Used to share this office. 68 00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,776 - among other things. - nina. 69 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:07,279 So, what brings You to town? 70 00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:09,948 A book signing. My novel's been published. 71 00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:12,016 "Echoes of my stepfather." 72 00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:14,018 Yes. 73 00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:17,055 You've finally finished. Oh, it's wonderful! 74 00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:19,491 - oh! - mmm! 75 00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,493 Oh! I've got To get to class. 76 00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,795 We have got to get Together and catch up. 77 00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:26,231 - you got it. - call me. 78 00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:28,199 - oh! - oh! 79 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,837 Oh! 80 00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:36,708 She is something else. 81 00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:39,811 Hmm, I can't believe How good you look. 82 00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:42,314 - you still playing Racquetball? - every day. 83 00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:45,016 - ooh! I love it! - I love it more! 84 00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:50,088 - you don't play Racquetball. - ( chuckles ) 85 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,491 Poor, sweet, misguided, 86 00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:55,594 Amnesiac nina, Of course I do. 87 00:04:57,063 --> 00:04:59,464 I've got some time to kill. I'd love to play. 88 00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:02,267 - I've got some time to play I'd love to kill. - ( chuckling ) 89 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:19,384 - can I help you? - no, thanks. Just looking. 90 00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,489 Hey! It says "Men" On the door. 91 00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:25,990 And you made the cut? 92 00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:28,860 - ooh, sally. - dick. 93 00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,995 Here's everything you need To know about racquetball. 94 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,997 Thanks for bringing This, lieutenant. 95 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,367 I found myself Starting to talk To the scrubbing bubbles, 96 00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:37,536 So I figured I better take a walk. 97 00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:40,271 This is newtonian physics-- Trajectory and velocity. 98 00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:42,374 An imbecilic baby Could do it. 99 00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:44,543 Well, I'm off To the games. 100 00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:46,545 Play fiercely And annihilate Your opponent. 101 00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:48,747 As it always was And always will be. 102 00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:52,718 Hey... 103 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:56,221 It's dry already. Put your shorts on. 104 00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:01,125 I won! 105 00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:03,061 I won! 106 00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,899 I won, I won, I won, I won, I won! 107 00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:13,171 Did you hear the news? I won. 108 00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:16,408 - congratulations, dick. - that was so easy. 109 00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:19,344 You offered me No challenge at all. 110 00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:21,380 Yeah, I was kind of Off my game. 111 00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:24,249 Off your game? You played like A little girl. 112 00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:28,653 Too bad mary wasn't Here to see it. 113 00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:31,823 That reminds me, I gotta run. I'm meeting her for lunch. 114 00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:36,595 Well, I hope you Two girls have fun. 115 00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:43,769 Why am I so hostile To this jeff person? 116 00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:45,771 He's never done Anything to me. 117 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:49,073 In fact, he seems Like a perfectly Tolerable... Twit. 118 00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:52,611 But for some reason, I hate him 119 00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:54,846 Just because dr. Albright Likes him. Why? 120 00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,848 It's called jealousy. 121 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:59,083 It's what happens To moose when reggie Flirts with midge. 122 00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:03,855 If you'd read a little, You'd know something About this. 123 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:06,858 I don't have time to read. Lieutenant, get out here. 124 00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:09,461 - I have a new Assignment for you. - yes? Finally. 125 00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:12,931 I want you to find Out what makes a man So irresistible 126 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:16,234 That a woman Has no interest In any other man. 127 00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:18,737 - that's still A chick job. - yes... 128 00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:23,642 But it's also a chick job To help the high Commander score. 129 00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:28,580 You want to know about love? I'll show you love. 130 00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:30,649 Scruffy, come here. Come here. 131 00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:34,319 Oh, see? He loves me For no reason. 132 00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:36,555 He lives just to bask 133 00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,857 In the light Of my smile. 134 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:44,496 And the best thing is, We both scare the mailman. 135 00:07:47,434 --> 00:07:49,534 ( sighs ) Why can't dr. Albright 136 00:07:49,536 --> 00:07:53,204 Leap into my lap And lick my face? 137 00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:56,741 Well, some breeds are More skittish than others. 138 00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:07,251 You two were Here last night. 139 00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:13,725 Miss? 140 00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:17,963 Miss! 141 00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:21,232 You're obviously in Some sort of relationship. Why'd you pick this guy? 142 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:23,768 - what's that Supposed to mean? - hey, I'm talking to the lady. 143 00:08:25,472 --> 00:08:28,272 He's not terribly attractive. He's got bad taste in clothes. 144 00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:31,576 - even I can tell he doesn't Know what he's doing. - I wouldn't say-- 145 00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:35,246 Ah! It's the car, Isn't it? 146 00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:37,181 No! 147 00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:41,486 ( whispers ) Yes, it's the car. 148 00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:43,488 Thank you. 149 00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:49,327 ( whistles ) 150 00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:51,997 ( kissing ) 151 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:08,212 - what are you doing? - tempting you with The great taste of bacon. 152 00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:14,553 I'm going to take These folders in to nina, 153 00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:17,155 And when I come back, You'll be gone. 154 00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:22,093 Hi. Mary here? 155 00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,763 Uh, no, she just Left for cleveland. 156 00:09:25,832 --> 00:09:27,799 Look, she's back. 157 00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:30,702 - what are you doing here? - I'm on my way To a meeting, 158 00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:33,672 But I wanted to stop off And give you a present. 159 00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:36,741 Oh! 160 00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:39,410 "Thanks for bugging me To write my book." 161 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:42,047 - oh, jeff! - ( jeff chuckles ) 162 00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:44,649 It's a thimble. I collect them. 163 00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,119 It's an ancient ukrainian Quilting thimble. 164 00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:50,455 There's some writing. I didn't have time To get it translated. 165 00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,624 Well, you've been So busy with the book. 166 00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:55,060 Speaking of time, Don't you have a meeting? 167 00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:57,062 Right. I gotta go. Bye. 168 00:09:58,198 --> 00:10:00,364 - oh! - oh! 169 00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:02,533 Damn, They did it again! 170 00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:05,136 Oh! 171 00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:08,073 I'm going to have To find someone who Can translate ukrainian. 172 00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,408 That's not ukrainian. It's turkish. 173 00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:13,311 Look, there's A diacritical mark Over the "O." 174 00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:15,313 ( speaking turkish ) 175 00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:21,119 Well, what does it mean? 176 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:24,555 "May these always point me Toward the spoils of war." 177 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,127 This isn't a thimble. It's turkish nipple armor. 178 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,068 Well, it's... 179 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,707 In fact, it's Very valuable. 180 00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:45,276 Well, especially If you have a pair. 181 00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:50,782 Oh! Don't tell jeff. 182 00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:54,318 - this will be our secret. - yes, our secret. 183 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,588 It will be something Jeff will never have. 184 00:10:57,590 --> 00:11:00,591 Well, it's the thought That counts. 185 00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:02,593 This must have been Very expensive. 186 00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,362 So you like Expensive things? 187 00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,364 No. 188 00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:10,001 Some of my favorite things In life cost nothing-- 189 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,003 A picnic on a sunny day, 190 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,372 A lovely poem Read aloud, 191 00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:16,641 Watching my friends fail. 192 00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:18,643 Well, I have A marvelous idea. 193 00:11:18,645 --> 00:11:20,779 I'll write a poem about Your friends failing 194 00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:24,015 - and read it to you aloud On a sunny picnic. - that sounds wonderful. 195 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:26,317 - how about saturday Afternoon? - why not? 196 00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:33,224 I have a date. 197 00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:36,394 Jeff doesn't Have a date... 198 00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:40,065 But I have a date. 199 00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:42,000 Yes! 200 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,240 "Women who run With the wolves," 201 00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:51,743 "Women who love too much," "Women who love too fast," 202 00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:55,413 "Women who love to read About women who love Too much and too fast." 203 00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:57,348 Oh, my god. 204 00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:05,423 Excuse me. 205 00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:07,425 You two have been Together, what, 206 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,427 100, 150 years? 207 00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,495 42 this april. 208 00:12:11,497 --> 00:12:14,565 42 years. Impressive. 209 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:17,936 You must have known He was something Really special, huh? 210 00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,571 - oh, yes. - tell me, why'd You pick him? 211 00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:24,209 Well, he was very sweet 212 00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:26,911 And affectionate. 213 00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:30,381 He had a real flair For romance. 214 00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:32,217 It was the car, Wasn't it? 215 00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:36,855 That was the clincher. 216 00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:43,527 - finally. Did you get 'em? - yes. 217 00:12:43,529 --> 00:12:45,529 - permission to Speak freely, sir? - yeah, sure. 218 00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:47,799 You and I have flown A lot of missions together. 219 00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:49,433 If you asked me to put out The sun with my bare hands, 220 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,136 I would, No questions asked, 221 00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:52,703 But if you ever send me out In broad daylight 222 00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:54,806 To pick up a bunch of Women's magazines again, 223 00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:57,809 I will kill you. 224 00:12:57,811 --> 00:12:59,811 This may sound Silly to you, 225 00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:01,946 But I have a date With dr. Albright, 226 00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,082 And I want to be sure To say the right thing. Now help me out here. 227 00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:07,185 Dick, they're pointless. They're mind-altering. 228 00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:09,287 They impose arbitrary Standards on women. 229 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:12,957 It's like propaganda for Some sort of estrogen cult. 230 00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:15,126 Just read. 231 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,128 Okay. 232 00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:22,033 Okay, here's a topic. You could discuss biology. 233 00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:24,102 - why? - according to A recent survey, 234 00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:26,871 7 out of 10 women Have multiple organisms. 235 00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:33,011 - you have to. - harry: no, you're Not the boss of me. 236 00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:35,613 You have to. Check to the lease. 237 00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:39,150 - what's the problem? - mrs. Dubcek doesn't Like scruffy. 238 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,052 The lease says no pets. 239 00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:43,087 But he's so cute. 240 00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:45,123 No! I'm allergic To dogs. 241 00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:48,026 My throat closes off And I can't breathe. 242 00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:50,594 - but he's so cute. - no! I can't breathe. 243 00:13:50,596 --> 00:13:53,331 No, no. Sorry. No, the pooch Cannot stay. 244 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:56,167 But he's so cute! 245 00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,502 - no! - ( door slams ) 246 00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,504 That's too bad, harry. 247 00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,907 I guess you know What you have to do. 248 00:14:02,909 --> 00:14:05,310 Yes, scruffy and I 249 00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:07,312 Must kill mrs. Dubcek... 250 00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:12,650 And hide her body Under the floorboards. 251 00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:26,130 Wh-- 252 00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:29,033 - what are you doing here? - we're going on our picnic. 253 00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:31,535 - didn't you get My message? - no. Why? 254 00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:34,605 Oh, my god. I'm so sorry. I had to cancel. 255 00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:38,576 - cancel? - well, it's jeff's Book signing party. 256 00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:41,479 But you don't understand. I beat him in racquetball. 257 00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,616 I can't miss it. He dedicated His novel to me. 258 00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:48,753 Oh, no, you Can't miss that. 259 00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:51,856 - why don't you come? - come? 260 00:14:51,858 --> 00:14:53,858 No, I've got Things to do. 261 00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:56,527 I have to take My black forest ham, My wheel of brie, 262 00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:58,829 My cabernet sauvignon, My limoges trivet, 263 00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:01,499 Throw them In the front yard And set them ablaze 264 00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:03,601 In a big bonfire As a tribute 265 00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:06,037 To jeff's book signing! 266 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,417 Excuse me, I'm looking For jeff willis. 267 00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:22,520 He's with his publicist. He'll be out shortly. 268 00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:24,522 - are you a friend? - yes. 269 00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:26,690 I'm very close To the steaming pustule. 270 00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:31,729 Harry, I've solved Your problem. 271 00:15:31,731 --> 00:15:34,665 This young lady needs A dog for her little girl. 272 00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:37,335 Oh, he's perfect. 273 00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,337 Oh, no. 274 00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:41,339 Scruffy's not about To ruin his life 275 00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:45,043 By running off With some blonde he met At a cocktail party. 276 00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:46,978 Ah, no. 277 00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:54,986 The man of the hour. 278 00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:58,923 - oh, god. - you think you're pretty Clever, don't you? 279 00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:01,392 I happen to know that Every word in your book 280 00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:04,028 Was published years ago! 281 00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:06,630 Perhaps you've read The dictionary. 282 00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:15,273 You invited me. This is your fault. 283 00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:17,275 Jeff willis, 284 00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:20,311 I challenge you for The hand of the woman We both love! 285 00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,780 Emily, I knew you Were cheating on me. 286 00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:24,715 No. He's lying, I swear. 287 00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:26,717 - you love her? - my own wife? 288 00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:29,887 - you love her? - I've never seen this man Before in my life. 289 00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:33,458 Lay off her, jeff. I'm the one that's been Sleeping with your wife. 290 00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:35,460 My own brother? 291 00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:38,196 One answer, and I'll Get out of your way. You love her? 292 00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:41,532 And you know what? The sex is great. 293 00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,236 You satanic bastard. 294 00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:48,306 - no! - you fraud! 295 00:16:50,076 --> 00:16:52,810 - what an interesting family. - look what you've done. 296 00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:56,447 ( yelling ) 297 00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:02,586 ( yelling continues ) 298 00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:07,458 This is very hard For you, isn't it? 299 00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,693 It's the hardest thing I've had to do 300 00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:12,863 In my entire time On this planet. 301 00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,565 Scruffy, come here. 302 00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:22,306 You're getting On my nerves, mutt. 303 00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:24,308 So take a hike. 304 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,879 Go with the kid. 305 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,782 I'm bad news, junior. I'm trouble, I tell ya. 306 00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:35,819 just go! 307 00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:39,090 Oh. ( chuckles ) Who am I kidding? 308 00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:41,659 Would you like to walk Him over to our place? 309 00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:43,294 Oh, sure. 310 00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:45,396 Harry, you can come over 311 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,665 And play with scruffy Anytime you want to. 312 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:50,000 - really? - yeah, we'd love it. 313 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,571 After my ex-husband, It's a pleasure 314 00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,873 To meet a man Who's so caring. 315 00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:57,808 Oh. 316 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,818 Well, jeff's brother 317 00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,820 Needs his jaw wired. 318 00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:12,557 - I hope you're Proud of yourself. - you're mad at me. 319 00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:14,758 That's fine. I'm mad at you. 320 00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:18,796 - why are you mad at me? - you're the expert. 321 00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:20,898 You tell me. 322 00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:23,634 Dr. Solomon, what do You want from me? 323 00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,570 I want... 324 00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:28,739 I want to be Your boyfriend. 325 00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:33,344 - oh. - are you surprised? 326 00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:36,180 To be honest, 327 00:18:36,182 --> 00:18:38,182 Not really. 328 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:42,019 Well, then what's The problem? 329 00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:45,055 Honestly, there's Something about you 330 00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:47,325 That... Seems odd. 331 00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:50,995 It's as if you were Out of sync with every Other person on the planet. 332 00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:53,564 How can that be? Every day I go Out of my way 333 00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,799 To do things That appear normal. 334 00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,669 What you just said, That's not normal. 335 00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:01,839 - what else? - well, you... 336 00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:04,675 You act as if you're Feeling everything For the first time. 337 00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:07,678 You have no control Over your emotions. 338 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,381 You tried to feed me Doggy treats. 339 00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:14,619 And? 340 00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:16,687 You're moving Way too fast. 341 00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:19,857 Whatever is going To happen between us, 342 00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:22,126 Let's let it Evolve naturally. 343 00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:24,295 All right, I can Go along with that. 344 00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:26,730 - good. - why don't we Shake on it? 345 00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:30,768 - why don't we hug on it? - no, that's too-- 346 00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,770 Dr. Albright, please? 347 00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:35,039 You don't know How important This hug is to me. 348 00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:38,643 It would give my life A degree of meaning that I've only dreamed of. 349 00:19:42,248 --> 00:19:44,282 - all right. - ( gasps ) 350 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,120 No, I can't hug Under this pressure. 351 00:19:50,122 --> 00:19:52,390 Try. 352 00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:04,602 There. 353 00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:06,537 That's all I was asking for. 354 00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:11,576 I want to have Your baby. 355 00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:18,782 You know, jealousy Defies all logic. 356 00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:20,818 Jeff's a nice person. 357 00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:22,920 Dr. Albright's A nice person. 358 00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:24,988 But... The thought Of them 359 00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:27,057 Being happy together Just made me crazy. 360 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,059 You think that's bad? 361 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:32,430 Clark kent gets jealous Because lois lane Likes superman. 362 00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:35,266 Now, that is crazy. 363 00:20:35,268 --> 00:20:38,669 Dick, you know, I finally figured out 364 00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:40,771 What women really Want in a man. 365 00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:44,275 They want him to drive A big, powerful vehicle. 366 00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:47,545 You're saying I should Be a bus driver? 367 00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:50,514 Hey, you'll be beating Them off with a stick. 368 00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:54,017 Dick, if you want to know How to get what you want From the ladies, 369 00:20:54,019 --> 00:20:55,986 - the answer is simple. - what? 370 00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:59,790 Get a dog. 371 00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:01,825 - wait-- - harry, you didn't--? 372 00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:05,829 No. 373 00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:24,315 ( '50s rock music playing )